With too much quiet, too much time to live inside my own head, and far too many projects on my plate, I find those old feelings of inadequacy creeping back in. That little voice who is always there to torment me. It tells me that I'm way out of my depth. What makes me think that I can find success in a field populated by so many brilliant people? Who the hell am I to imagine in my dizziest daydreams that anyone would find what I do worthy of serious attention? Yeah. That's the old naysaying asshole who plagued me for years. I've tried to pretend I had banished him for good. I've tried to act like I had forgotten...but that was a lie.
I know that it's just fear talking. That little voice has no concept whatsoever of the things I am capable of accomplishing. It's not reality seeping in. It has no answers. No words of wisdom to impart. It can't stop me from failing where I should succeed. No. All that little voice knows is fear. And fear is a hell of a foe. A foe I'll never underestimate again. It's done me too much harm during my short life in this world.
But here's the thing that keeps rattling around my skull. It's something I didn't know before, but understand as a truth today. Fear has value. Fear tells us when we're breaking new ground. Fear tells us that we are learning to fly. Fear sets the boundary between what is mundane and what makes us great. How could we appreciate joy without the trail of fear? How can we know that our life has meaning without overcoming the demons which plague us?
So I welcome my fear and smile at the sound of that little voice. What was once like fingernails on a chalkboard has become a sweet melody. I feel fear...and that's a good thing.